Transgender Artist and Model, Sophie Lawson

ABOUT ME

SOPHIE LAWSON

transgender artist

“Transgender since the beginning of time.”

  • art 50%
  • transitioning 50%
  • peace of mind 100%

Welcome to my little website. A place where I can be free to express myself via my art and photography. Born Kevin Preston, and still currently presenting as Kevin in the real world, art found it’s way into my life in 2013. It has helped me accept myself, to come to terms with being transgender, and in 2016, find the courage to start my transition from Kevin to Sophie. It’s fair to say, Art has transformed my life.

“I DON’T WANT TO LET THE FEAR WIN.”

– Sophie Lawson

ART FOUND ME

A big part of my life has been my gender identity. For 33 years I was confused. Was I male? Was I female? I sometimes felt like neither and both, a paradox. This confusion lead to many years of guilt, denial and shame. I saw my female persona as a curse. Something I would have done anything to get rid of. I wanted her gone. I wanted to be ‘normal’. I tried everything to get away from her. I fled to the world of videogames for years; a place I could escape and not have to deal with my gender. Ironically, I found myself gravitating towards games where I could create female characters so as to play dress up. Even in the world of videogames, I wasn’t able to escape my femininity. If I could have taken a pill back than and erased Sophie from my mind, I would have taken it. How sad looking back now … to think I wanted to get rid of my very essence :(

I never believed becoming Sophie was an option. I didn’t believe I could do it. I didn’t believe I was strong enough to face my fears. I’d cry so many times knowing I wanted to be me but feeling like it was impossible. In 2013, at the age of 33, something beautiful happened. I don’t know where it came from, but this burning desire to start drawing took over. After playing Persona 4 Golden on the PlayStation Vita, a game about accepting your true self, I found myself being pulled towards art. At first, with the desire to draw the persona 4 crew, anime characters and some of my favourite videogame females. Soon, I started studying from books, before I knew it I was drawing realistic portraits and the old me, was vanishing before my eyes.

I will be eternally grateful to Persona 4 and the universe for bringing art into my life. It changed everything. How did I know pursuing art would allow me to accept my true self? I didn’t. I couldn’t possibly have known this, but the universe knew. After only a couple years of drawing, I changed so much. I was no longer letting the fear win. I was starting to overcome my social anxiety by joining art classes, starting to push myself outside my comfort zone by joining art exhibitions and galleries. All of this made me wonder. What if I put this same mindset, dedication and commitment I had found for art, towards my desire to transition into Sophie. Maybe, just maybe … I could pull it off. But the fear.

ABOUT ME - Art Found Me | Transgender Artist Sophie Lawson

I never believed becoming Sophie was an option. I didn’t believe I could do it. Didn’t believe I was strong enough to face my fears. I’d cry so much knowing I wanted to transition but feeling like it was impossible. In 2013, at the age of 33, something beautiful happened. I don’t know where it came from, but this burning desire to start drawing took over. After playing Persona 4 Golden on the PlayStation Vita, a game about accepting your true self, I found myself being pulled towards art. At first, with the desire to draw the persona 4 crew, anime characters and some of my favourite videogame females. Soon, I started studying from books, before I knew it I was drawing realistic portraits and the old me, was vanishing before my eyes.

I will be eternally grateful to Persona 4 and the universe for bringing art into my life. It changed everything. How did I know pursuing art would allow me to accept my true self? I didn’t. I couldn’t possibly have known this, but the universe knew. After only a couple years of drawing, I changed so much. I was no longer letting the fear win. I was starting to overcome my social anxiety by joining art classes, starting to push myself outside my comfort zone by joining art exhibitions and galleries. All of this made me wonder. What if I put this same mindset, dedication and commitment I had found for art, towards my desire to transition into Sophie. Maybe, just maybe … I could pull it off. But the fear.

ABOUT ME - Art Found Me | Transgender Artist Sophie Lawson
ABOUT ME - I'm Ready to Fly | Transgender Artist Sophie Lawson

There was so much fear. It was growing stronger, but so was my heart. She was getting louder and louder. Her beautiful whispers finally reached a point where I could tell, it was time to set myself free. No matter how long it took. No matter how hard it got. No matter what I had to do. In March 2016, I took the decision to transition. I started self medicating hormones, I didn’t want to start my transition that way, but self medicating was how it was meant to be … I knew, within a few days of taking those hormones, I had made the right decision. It was like I had finally turned the chaos and confusion of my life into clarity.

I realised though, I still had so much baggage from the past 36 years to deal with. The old me, the shy, anxious, living in fear me was still very much hanging around. If I wasn’t careful, wasn’t fully focused moving forward, he would find a way to sabotage my efforts. I knew this. So I made a promise to focus on improving my mind; starting with increasing my daily meditation practice.

There was so much fear. It was growing stronger, but so was my heart. Her whispers were getting louder and louder. Her beautiful humming finally reached a point where I could tell, it was time to set myself free. In March 2016, I took the decision to transition. I started self medicating hormones, I didn’t want to start my transition that way, but self medicating was how it was meant to be … I knew, within a few days of taking those hormones, I had made the right decision. It was like I had finally turned the chaos and confusion of my life into clarity.

I realised though, I still had so much baggage from the past 36 years to deal with. The old me, the shy, anxious, living in fear me was still very much hanging around. If I wasn’t careful, wasn’t fully focused moving forward, he would find a way to sabotage my efforts. I knew this. So I made a promise to focus on improving my mind; starting with increasing my meditation practice to over an hour a day.

ABOUT ME - I'm Ready to Fly | Transgender Artist Sophie Lawson

I’m following my heart, finally becoming me. Almost like that scene from the Matrix, where Neo can take the blue pill, and return to ‘normal’ life, or take the red pill and see how far the rabbit hole goes. Starting my transition, taking those first hormone pills was like me leaping into the rabbit hole. A hole that’s pitch black at times, scary and uncomfortable, but I have Art by my side. Acting as a torch. Lighting the way. Guiding. Helping me find myself. The fear still runs rampant inside. Some days it consumes me. Some days I lose my way, but I never question what I’m doing. I know with certainty, a certainty I have never felt before in my life, that this is the right thing to do. It’s now just one baby step at a time.

I’M READY TO FLY

SOME OF MY FAVOURITE THINGS

FAVOURITE SPORT

FORMULA ONE

FAVOURITE ART TOOL

MONO ERASER PEN

FAVOURITE SYSTEM

PLAYSTATION

FAVOURITE MANTRA

IT’S LIKE THIS NOW

FAVOURITE SHOES

ANKLE STRAP HEELS

FAVOURITE MUSIC

TRANCE

“YOUR BABY STEPS OF TODAY, LEAD TO THE UNIMAGINABLE STEPS OF TOMORROW.”

– Sophie Lawson

CONTACT ME

12 + 5 =

FIND ME ONLINE

          

"To help yourself, you must be yourself."

Dave Pelzer