I never believed becoming Sophie was an option. I didn’t believe I could do it. I didn’t believe I was strong enough to face my fears. I’d cry so many times knowing I wanted to be me but feeling like it was impossible. In 2013, at the age of 33, something beautiful happened. I don’t know where it came from, but this burning desire to start drawing took over. After playing Persona 4 Golden on the PlayStation Vita, a game about accepting your true self, I found myself being pulled towards art. At first, with the desire to draw the persona 4 crew, anime characters and some of my favourite videogame females. Soon, I started studying from books, before I knew it I was drawing realistic portraits and the old me, was vanishing before my eyes.

I will be eternally grateful to Persona 4 and the universe for bringing art into my life. It changed everything. How did I know pursuing art would allow me to accept my true self? I didn’t. I couldn’t possibly have known this, but the universe knew. After only a couple years of drawing, I changed so much. I was no longer letting the fear win. I was starting to overcome my social anxiety by joining art classes, starting to push myself outside my comfort zone by joining art exhibitions and galleries. All of this made me wonder. What if I put this same mindset, dedication and commitment I had found for art, towards my desire to transition into Sophie. Maybe, just maybe … I could pull it off. But the fear.

I never believed becoming Sophie was an option. I didn’t believe I could do it. Didn’t believe I was strong enough to face my fears. I’d cry so much knowing I wanted to transition but feeling like it was impossible. In 2013, at the age of 33, something beautiful happened. I don’t know where it came from, but this burning desire to start drawing took over. After playing Persona 4 Golden on the PlayStation Vita, a game about accepting your true self, I found myself being pulled towards art. At first, with the desire to draw the persona 4 crew, anime characters and some of my favourite videogame females. Soon, I started studying from books, before I knew it I was drawing realistic portraits and the old me, was vanishing before my eyes.

I will be eternally grateful to Persona 4 and the universe for bringing art into my life. It changed everything. How did I know pursuing art would allow me to accept my true self? I didn’t. I couldn’t possibly have known this, but the universe knew. After only a couple years of drawing, I changed so much. I was no longer letting the fear win. I was starting to overcome my social anxiety by joining art classes, starting to push myself outside my comfort zone by joining art exhibitions and galleries. All of this made me wonder. What if I put this same mindset, dedication and commitment I had found for art, towards my desire to transition into Sophie. Maybe, just maybe … I could pull it off. But the fear.

There was so much fear. It was growing stronger, but so was my heart. She was getting louder and louder. Her beautiful whispers finally reached a point where I could tell, it was time to set myself free. No matter how long it took. No matter how hard it got. No matter what I had to do. In March 2016, I took the decision to transition. I started self medicating hormones, I didn’t want to start my transition that way, but self medicating was how it was meant to be … I knew, within a few days of taking those hormones, I had made the right decision. It was like I had finally turned the chaos and confusion of my life into clarity.

I realised though, I still had so much baggage from the past 36 years to deal with. The old me, the shy, anxious, living in fear me was still very much hanging around. If I wasn’t careful, wasn’t fully focused moving forward, he would find a way to sabotage my efforts. I knew this. So I made a promise to focus on improving my mind; starting with increasing my daily meditation practice.

There was so much fear. It was growing stronger, but so was my heart. Her whispers were getting louder and louder. Her beautiful humming finally reached a point where I could tell, it was time to set myself free. In March 2016, I took the decision to transition. I started self medicating hormones, I didn’t want to start my transition that way, but self medicating was how it was meant to be … I knew, within a few days of taking those hormones, I had made the right decision. It was like I had finally turned the chaos and confusion of my life into clarity.

I realised though, I still had so much baggage from the past 36 years to deal with. The old me, the shy, anxious, living in fear me was still very much hanging around. If I wasn’t careful, wasn’t fully focused moving forward, he would find a way to sabotage my efforts. I knew this. So I made a promise to focus on improving my mind; starting with increasing my meditation practice to over an hour a day.