ART BLOG /
ORIGINALLY POSTED • 6ST JANUARY 2017
The year of 2016 will always be remembered as the year I started my transition. The Art was very hit and miss, I had spells of intense focus, but mostly, it was a year of mental exhaustion. Here’s some of the highs and lows of 2016; the year I like to call, ‘Time To Change.’
- Had my art be part of the Plymouth Arts Club Summer Exhibition
- Started my Transition by taking Hormones
- Picked up my first Art Award with my Cat Drawing – Eyes On The Prize
- Received a lot of messages, and made genuine friendship with fellow artists via email
- Converted the Site into SophieLawson.com
- Kept my promise of a monthly Newsletter
- Had periods of intense suicidal thoughts
2016 really was a mentally exhausting year. I would say, my least favoured since I was born, yet, so many positive things happened. Most notably, I started my transition, bringing to an end a 36 year struggle of self acceptance. It’s end however, ironically intensified the anxiety and pain; I realise, change and transformation is hard. Fortunately I have art by my side.
It was a mentally challenging year, but I bet I will look back in 20 years time and see it was the most important year of my life. To start my transition was one of the hardest things I ever had to do, I know it won’t be easy, and I know it may sabotage my ability to grow as an artist. The thing is, I had to do it. I became suicidal, I basically quit art for just over a month and had given up. I wanted the easy life, I wanted to go back to pretending I wasn’t transgender, and go back to playing videogames all day.
I did this for a month, dedicating over 80 hours into Gran Turismo 6, but it didn’t feel right. I could feel both art and my need to be free calling. I took the decision to start self medicating female hormones, almost as a cry for help, and before I knew it, I was taking them via the GP and starting my transition officially.
Art returned towards the end of the year, thanks to the 2016 Plymouth Arts Club Exhibition, and I even spent over three months creating the new SophieLawson.com site, but my art highlight of the year, was winning the BEST IN SHOW award for my Cat ‘Eyes on the Prize’ drawing :)
Moving forward … I just want to do my best. I want to focus on finding out who I am and drawing as much as I can in between. I expect 2017 to be a roller coaster ride so I know it may be hard to focus at times. I have no idea what 2017 will be like, there are no clear goals other than to do my best every single day.