I was sorting out my cupboards yesterday, when I found this folder from the late 90’s of my old F1 drawings. I stopped and went through them, feeling super nostalgic … I hadn’t seen these drawings for over 15 years!
The story goes, in 1998 I started drawing for a few months, earliest dated drawing is July 1998 with the last being Christmas 1998. I don’t remember why I started drawing back than, I wasn’t following any how to draw books or anything, I just picked up some coloured pencils and decided to draw one of my passions in life – Formula One cars :) I was a massive collector of F1 models, videos and magazines at the time. I remember going through these magazines finding images to draw that inspired me. This little spell of drawing only lasted a few months.
Nothing against my Dad at all, I’m 100% certain he didn’t mean it, but I just remember him repeatedly saying how drawing was a waste of time. I would sometimes take my drawings round to my Mum, and she would always say how much she loved them. I never showed anyone else these drawings, but for some reason, my Dad saying it was a waste of time just stuck in my head more and more. Every time I finished a drawing I remember going downstairs to show my Dad and him just saying, “What’s the point in you drawing?”, or “Why haven’t you gone out and got a job yet?”
I don’t know if I started to believe him, or if maybe I just lost interest, but for whatever reason, only a few months later I gave up on drawing. I stuffed everything in this big plastic folder under my bed. Over the years I’ve thrown out and lost most of my stuff, but some how, these drawings have remained with me; I must have realised deep in my heart how important they were. I went off to Uni in 1999 and while I doodled all over my lecture notes, I never did any drawings. I then graduated from Uni and got a job and pretty much spent all my free time playing videogames. For 15 years I never once even considered drawing again. It was like I had blanked drawing out of my head completely.
Then, in December 2012, the videogame Persona 4 entered my life … one thing led to another and the thought/need to start drawing returned. I just had to draw these wonderful characters I was seeing on screen. The game is about accepting your true self, now … seeing as I’m Transgender, and at the time hadn’t accepted myself, you would think I’d have gone down that route, but instead, for whatever reason, my heart said it was time to start drawing again.
So, looking back at these F1 drawings kind of stopped me in my tracks yesterday. I wasn’t expecting to find them, they ended up making me think so many things. I was confused how/why I hadn’t done any drawings for 15 years. I was happy that I still owned them and hadn’t thrown them away. I then started remembering being squashed up on my PC desk at the time with my F1 magazines open drawing on bits of crappy paper with crappy pencils lol It was so weird seeing these drawings, I began to realise I was actually doing something I truly loved at the time but didn’t realise it and ultimately ended up losing my way in life.
My love for F1 still burns bright, Lewis Hamilton is my man! To me, he is pure excitement and everything I love about Formula One. I must be honest, looking at these drawings gave me an urge to do some F1 drawings again, but I have a much greater desire at the moment to capture femininity. However, who knows, maybe one day I’ll return to my roots and produce some Formula One drawings again, or maybe even paintings :)