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ORIGINALLY POSTED 24th JANUARY 2015

I”m scared. I had sort of forgot about this Transgender Support Group at the end of this month, but at last weeks Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) session, we started talking about it and now that the time is getting nearer, I’m getting more an more nervous.

It’s strange; I’m excited, because I know I’m going to go, I promised myself I would, but i’m scared as well. I’ll be going in Kevin mode, won’t be wearing any feminine clothes or anything… actually, I might do me nails lol Hmm, thing is, I worry I’ll be the only one there whose Gender Fluid, and I worry that maybe I won’t fit in, and will be really awkward.

CBT is helping though. I spent an hour writing down what I was scared of, and was able to see that it doesn’t matter if I am the only Gender Fluid person there, we are all in this together with our own stories to tell, so I just want to go along and listen to everyone else’s story. I have no idea what to expect, all I know is, it’s a casual 2 hour group session chat thing held at The Laurels Gender Identity Clinic.

For as long as I can remember, I’ve always dreamed about talking to other Transgender people face to face. Saying hello to someone in the waiting room at the Gender Clinic is cool, but it’s not the same as having a proper conversation. I emailed the gender clinic to confirm it was on this week, and my gender therapist personally emailed me back! I was so happy, she said to be brave and just go along and see how you get on.

It’s the same as what my CBT therapist keeps saying. One of her mantras is, “Just Showing Up Is A Success…” if all I do is turn up and just sit there, feeling totally nervous, at least I had the courage to go, and then I’ll have something to work on to improve for next time. It’s like practicing drawing, and in fact, the more I live this life, the more I see how powerful Art is. In Art you have to face your fears every time you start a drawing, Just showing up to your Art desk every day is a success. The parallels between life and Art are amazing.

So in just a few days I’ll be doing something I’ve been wanting to do for years. I’m going there with the intention of joining in, but most importantly, just to listen to everyone’s story, and to learn as much possibly; I’m determined to make the most of this opportunity. Arghhh, I can feel that “Excited but Scared” feeling taking over again lol

My First Transgender Support Group Visit Diary Entry from 28th January 2015