ABOUT ME / MY DIARY /

ORIGINALLY POSTED 28th NOVEMBER 2016

Three hours to go. I’m terrified. Never been so scared before. I had my consultation for facial laser hair removal last Friday, and ever since, I’ve kept thinking about not going. I don’t want to go. I am so scared of the pain. I’ve promised myself I will do my best. I meditated yesterday and saw myself sat on the chair in pain, having it done, with my future self holding my hand. I will go there today believing she is there with me. Looking after me.

To make it to the end I will be so proud; I hope I’m strong enough. I’m crying writing this because I don’t want to have to stop it, but, the pain :( At the consultation she said not to use numbing cream, but sod that. I’m sorry, but rules go out the window when this much pain is involved, so I’ve got me face wrapped in clingfilm with numbing cream all over my facial hair … don’t know if it’ll do anything, but I got to do something.

I’m going to eat my dinner, meditate again, and than go. I will do my best.

THE SESSION

Just walked out of the clinic, stopped by the shop window next door to write this bit in me diary. How did I do that? I made it all the way to the end on the highest setting. I started crying, while she was doing it I started crying, but mainly once she had finished. Think it was relief, exhaustion and joy. Feels like one step closer to being Sophie.

Debbie, the lady doing the facial laser hair removal treatment, said “It’s brought you to tears look, you should be so proud of yourself…” I am, but she must think I’m proper mental though because I started chanting. Never intended to, but I had to take my mind off the pain. Softly at first, I found myself chanting:

Sophie at Saltrum. Sophie at Saltrum. Sophie at Saltrum.

Saltrum is a little forest where I feel at peace, at one with the universe, and sometimes take modelling photos. So I took myself there mentally. Sophie at Saltrum. Over and over I was chanting Sophie at Saltrum. As she got to my lip and chin area, my chanting got louder and louder, but I didn’t care. I also did that thing where you hum to yourself lol Got to the point where I didn’t care how stupid I looked, or what she thought of me, I was getting through this one way or another. I just focused on Sophie at Saltrum.

I had one of my earphones in too, so I had trance music blasting out which helped so much. I am so flipping relieved and happy! THANK YOU UNIVERSE for letting me be strong enough. I know future self was with me today. But why are we doing this? Putting ourselves through this pain, it’s like self harming. I know why, because you believe in your vision so much, you will do whatever you have to do to make it real.

BACK HOME

It’s now two hours after the session. My face is slightly sore, like the stinging needles sensation. As I walked home, I couldn’t stop crying. I still had my music on and was dancing. Never felt so happy in my life. I even gave out a massive WOOP while walking along :) So Happy.

Debbie said she’ll do the test patch next time with the more aggressive laser. She than said, it’s not that this one doesn’t hurt, it’s that it’s a different sort of pain. Doh! Not what she said last time lol I’m not even going to think about it, today I’m just happy. I would say this is the most painful thing I’ve ever done. If I wasn’t so focused on Sophie at Saltrum, I doubt I could have made it. 22 minutes. She also stopped three times to change sides and gave me a cold flannel to put on my face, which surprisingly helped a lot.

The most painful locations? I don’t know if it’s because I can’t shave so well along there, but it bloody hurts so much along the jawline. My neck and chin too, the upper lip was painful, but it wasn’t that much more than the jaw line. The secret is definitely to take your mind off the pain and focus on something else. Take your mind elsewhere, this is why I think the music helped. Beforehand she said the pain would be like an elastic band hitting my face over and over, but to me, it felt more like a knife going into the skin. Like someone dragging a razor across my face in little lines. Such a strange, horrible feeling. She had to push the window open due to the smell of burning hair lol That smell will always be associated with this pain now!

I asked her if she’s had it done on herself, she said on her armpits and legs, but apparently there are 800 hairs per square inch on the face, and only 50 everywhere else, which is why the face hurts so much. 100% the hardest most painful thing I’ve had to do so far. On my walk home, I honestly felt like I could do anything :)

THE FOLLOWING DAY

The day after there was very little redness, a few spots, but the soreness had completely gone. The cool thing was, hairs started to fall out. They appeared as thick dark hairs on the surface, but if you lightly grabbed one, it would easily slide out of the skin as you can see in the photos above. I was told hairs would start falling out between 7 and 14 days after treatment, so it was nice to see some falling out after only one day :)

There was Pain, Humming, and Dancing Robins during session 2, which took place on January 5th 2017