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ORIGINALLY POSTED 25th FEBRUARY 2015

Future me here from the year 2020 *waves* There’s a cool lil extra bit to add to this story. Kerry, the lady I talk about walking home with in this diary entry, actually came back into my life about 3 years later, when I started going to the Not Alone Plymouth Transgender Support Group; her tights didn’t keep falling down this time either :) It’s weird though. Despite going to many more Transgender Support Group sessions, this is the last time I write about them in my online diary, instead I opted to keep the rest of them in my private hand written diaries. I’ll have to get round to typing them up though, because they’ve helped me so much.

*end of future me*

Today is the 25th February 2015, and I noticed I began to make excuses this past few days as to why I shouldn’t go back to the Laurels Gender Identity Clinic for the next Transgender support group meeting, which will be only my second one. My mind kept creating excuses, but in the end I just said, “Shhh, you’re going.” lol

So here I am, sat on the train, and unlike the first session, I’m not scared this time. I sort of know what to expect and I’m going to make sure I properly introduce myself this time, even if I have to talk really slow. I also want to ask if the other girls ever have, or do, suffer from social anxiety.

The non-binary group that I got recommended at the last session and intended to join just didn’t work out. I was unable to join the forums, and after a few weeks back and forth with the admin of the forums, it has since gone quiet and I still can’t access the forums. I’m a bit gutted as I really feel like I would get more from a non-binary group meeting at the moment.

I’ve painted my nails clear shiny lol first time I’ve ever been out as Kevin with nail polish on, even if it is clear and pretty much invisible, I’m still a bit anxious about it, but I like it :) I wonder what today’s group session will bring? *future me here, this was one of the most powerful fear facing baby steps I ever took, because this wearing invisible nail polish as Kevin involved into me living full time as Sophie 3 years later :)*

Well, I’m home now, I didn’t write on the train this time as I came home with Kerry :) She runs a Transgender group down here in Plymouth each month, and said that family members are welcome. My Sister asked me last month if she could go to one of these with me, so I think this could be destiny! Tonight’s group was really nice, I told more of my story, and Kerry kept addressing me as Sophie lol

That felt really surreal actually :) There was lots of advice tonight, I asked if anyone suffered from Anxiety of any kind and most said yes, one of the older ladies, who comes across as super confident, actually said she used to be super shy, but she overcome it just by doing things that she didn’t feel comfortable doing, but only when the time was right. It’s a balancing act of trying to push yourself out of your comfort zone, but only when you are ready. It’s very inspiring to see her now, how confident she looked, knowing she was once super shy!

There was lots of talk of hiding facial hair too, and there is this cream they recommended that I believe is called Vaniqa, it’s a prescription only cream, but they all love it. I didn’t realise this, but even after years of laser/ electrolysis you will still have to continue to shave your facial hair, I always thought it would permanently go, so you learn something new every day.

Things got really cool tonight though, my lovely “best person I’ve ever met in the world ever” Gender Therapist is setting up a monthly non-binary support group starting in April. I’m 100% going to that, so maybe it was destiny that I couldn’t register on the other one :) Things always turn out well in the end, this is why I love the universe! My Gender Therapist was also there again tonight and we had a nice lil chat, she always seems genuinely happy to see me, I’m going back to see her tomorrow for my third appointment, I can’t wait!

So that’s that, second Transgender Support Group session over and it was a really nice evening. Walking back to the train with Kerry she kept complaining her tights were falling down lol We had a nice chat about Battlestar Galactica, Drawing, Sewing, Transgender tings, and it was really interesting to hear her story of the difficulties of transitioning. For instance, Cornwall, which is right next to Devon, will pay for your breasts but Devon won’t … that’s crazy lol