*waves* Future me again. It’s now just over 3 years since my first taste of Reiki Healing, and having had a bunch more dishes since, I have to say, Reiki Healing is delicious :)

*end of future me*

All of us could do with a lil healing from time to time I think, but one thing I’ve noticed over the past few years, is that this transitioning journey has a habit of bringing up old wounds; things that need to be healed in order to move on. This is why a lot of my therapy sessions at Gender Identity Clinic, have ended up being about my Mum and Dad.

I never knew before I started this journey, but transitioning isn’t just about the body and the way you look, you’re literally changing from one person to another, your mind and spirit is transitioning too, so a lot of the past needs to be let go, otherwise you won’t be able to truly become who you really are.

Therapy helps, but this mental side of the transitioning journey is something I feel can be helped with spiritual practices like Lucid Dreaming, Flotation Tanks, Meditation and maybe even, Reiki healing, which is something I experienced for the first time on Thursday the 17th of May 2018, where I had my first experience of not just Reiki Healing, but a Psychic Reading too, with local healer Rachel Rendell :)

I thought it might be nice to write a little diary entry about my time with her, and try to explain what Reiki Healing felt like for me. The Psychic Reading was incredible, but I’m going to write about it at a later date, when I’ve had more time to process it all …

THE REIKI HEALING SESSION

I walked in and this is odd, but I felt like I knew her. It was so strange. We even started talking as if we were old friends. she even said, wow look at me, I never talk like this normally.

We were talking about float tanks, which is something I’m going to write about soon, and other spiritual things like past life regression. One of the first things she said, before |I said anything, was how she believes before we’re born we choose the life we come into … even choosing our Mum and Dad.

So before the Reiki Healing even started, I felt super relaxed.

Just before laying on the bed to start the Reiki healing, she explained how it effects everyone differently. Some people, for instance, see coloured lights, some feel unusual body sensations, some can’t control their bellies from rumbling, some even start crying uncontrollably from the emotions.

One lady, she said, who was very polite and well mannered, spent the whole session swearing as she found herself dealing with the emotions of a relationship she had kept buried inside. What made me smile, was when she said “Sometimes things may get worse before they get better,” that’s the same thing I had wrote a few hours earlier during my morning Automatic Writing session :)

Soon the talking stopped, and I laid down on the bed; fully clothed, pillow under my head, blanket over my body … I was ready to close my eyes.

WHAT I FELT

At first, I felt like I was going to start laughing; must have been the nerves, but it was soon replaced with tears.

1. VISIONS

Music had started, and I could feel her hands on the side of my head, at which point I had a crystal clear vision of a thick brick wall with me, or someone else, holding a massive sledgehammer knocking it down.

I started crying. I was hit with this wave of knowing something was changing inside, it felt like the brick wall was my limiting beliefs starting to get destroyed.

2. UNCONTROLLABLE SWALLOWING

She stayed in the same position for a while, and than I had this attack of swallowing, I couldn’t stop swallowing. I must have swallowed about 50 times in a couple minutes. It was the strangest feeling, at one point I even thought I might have to get up and stop the session.

Considering I was strangled as a child and developed a voice disorder later in life, it felt like something powerful was taking place in my throat area. I would say this was the most uncomfortable moment of the session, being unable to stop swallowing was just such a strange sensation.

3. HEALING SHAPES?

She than moved down the body, placing her hands on my heart and belly, which gave me this feeling I’ve only ever experienced as a child. When I was ill, I used to have these dreams of shapes, but it’s always been impossible to describe them. I believe they are some sort of synaesthesia, where your senses get mixed up, so in the dreams, I could always feel the shapes in different ways, almost tasting and becoming the shapes themselves.

Like I say, I can’t really describe it, but as a child it was always cubes, a lil one and a big one. At the time I had the sense I was the lil one, and as I only ever had this feeling when I was ill, I had thought the big one must be healing me, because the feelings always felt so beautiful. I even asked Lucid Dream expert Robert Waggoner about this via his website, where you can read my post and his response.

Here’s a quote from his response:

“Reading your experience reminded me a quote by Pythagoras (the mystical explorer of geometry and mathematics), who supposedly said something to the effect that the ‘Self’ (or soul) was the waking self or ego, squared.

So if the ego was 4, the Self/Soul was 16 (or the amount squared – or in a sense, always in a larger dimensional framework).

I have had dreams and lucid dreams of interacting with geometric shapes, and aware ‘light’ — which results in a new appreciation of geometry and light. You come to see why the ancients considered these things as ‘sacred sciences’.”

– Lucid Dreaming Expert, Robert Waggoner

I didn’t expect to feel this during the Reiki Healing, but that’s what happened and I was in state of pure bliss to be honest. It wasn’t cubes this time though, instead, it felt like a giant doughnut or something. It felt like I was both inside the shape, and yet outside of it watching it expanding at the same time.

There was this strange sensation of the shape expanding so much, as if it was infinite, and so was too big to hug, yet it was making me want to hug it. So it was like being inside of it and outside of it at the same time. Impossible to explain really, but it felt so unlike anything in the physical world. When I felt that sensation, I knew she was doing something powerful.

This feeling latest for ages too, in lucid dreams or meditation for instance, if I ever have a nice feeling of love or something, as soon as I put my awareness onto the feeling, it normally goes away. Yet, with this sensation I could focus on it, and really feel it without it popping away. This was amazing, I didn’t want it to end, but when she moved her hands away, it left me.

4. ORBS?

At one point I had this vision of some sort of big dark purple orbs inside my eyelids and then when she went down to my arms, or my belly, I had this thought pop into my head of it being ok to be lonely forever.

At the same time I saw two orbs, which I felt were me and her, merging into one. This was so beautiful it made me cry, but the feeling of loneliness wasn’t a sad feeling, it was a nice feeling; another sort of hard to explain sensation, unlike the foot twitching, which happened a couple of times while she worked on my legs.

WHAT JUST HAPPENED?

The whole session was so unlike anything I could ever have imagined. When it was over I just laid on the bed and thought, what just happened.

When I finally turned my head, she was off to the right getting a drink of water or something, before turning to me and saying, wow. You should be so proud of yourself, I hope you are. You’ve had so much to deal with in this life, so many emotions to deal with and than she said something about Dad which really hit home.

It felt as if she had seen inside of me, feeling my emotions; I could just tell by the way she was talking.

She said she focused on the emotional parts of me, via the belly area, which is when I felt that doughnut expanding shape sensation. I just sat on the edge of the bed for a while, trying to take it all in … I really felt overwhelmed.

Finally I got off the bed and sat down, ready for the psychic reading that was to follow, but even after having a sip of water, my mind was still trying to work out what had just happened.

WHAT DOES SHE SEE?

I asked her what she sees. She said it’s more a feeling. I feel like she is somehow channelling negative energy out, and putting positive energy in. I have no idea really, I want to research Reiki healing to see what is actually going on, but it’s pretty powerful stuff and makes me wonder what must she be feeling during the session?

If I’m feeling all of this stuff, is it hard and emotional for her to have to receive all of this healing energy, where does all the unhealed energy go? Does she feel all of my emotions all at once? There was no time to ask some of these deep questions, because it was time for the Psychic Reading.

WHAT I THINK OF REIKI HEALING

Reiki Healing is unlike anything I’ve ever experienced before. Indescribable, but powerful. I have no idea what was happening, but it felt special.

I’m writing this a week after the session and I’ve noticed a couple of things. Firstly, my dreams were very vivid for a few days, with a lot of them being based around healing, while my throat, and the quality of my voice, went through a period of getting worse, which finally seems to be stabilising again.

I feel so much more confident though.

It’s lil tings, like at swimming class, I’m a lot more fearless in the water now, and I’ve noticed, despite the temporary decrease in voice quality, I’ve been speaking up a lot more and feeling generally more at peace … I even booked another Reiki Healing session for the end of July :)

HEALING CRISIS

I did look online about the throat getting worse, wondering if this sort of things was normal, and apparently it’s what they call a Healing Crisis, where the system is cleansing itself of toxins.

All I know is, I feel mentally good.

That’s really all that matters I guess, so while the throat took a bit of a knock, as Rachel Rendell said before the Reiki Healing started, sometimes things may get worse, before they get better :)