60 • THE LAURELS GENDER IDENTITY CLINIC VISIT 22

Future me here again *waves* here’s a couple photos from my train ride to the gender clinic :)

*end of future me*

And relax :) Made it, at the train station with 40 minutes to spare. Trying something different today, instead of handwriting this entry I’m typing it up on my kindle via the jotter app. Doing this as I’ve ended up with loads of handwritten entries and it’s become a bit overwhelming to type them all up, so I thought try this and see what it feels like.

Initially, not sure I like it, I have a little stylus which is cool, but it seems slow, and I like to doodle as I write .. anyways, today’s session will be the last hour session before the changes take place. I said in the diary entry for Visit Twenty how the clinic was changing the therapist sessions from an hour to 30 minutes, wonder what the shorter ones will feel like, hmm.

Today’s session could go in so many different directions. I may talk about an aha moment I had over the weekend where everything I want from the future, all my dreams, all the pieces of the puzzle fell into place, but it’s such a personal dream that I’m not sure I will share it with her. I’m interested to ask her what it’s like being a therapist, plus I need to know if she played the video game Papo and Yo I recommended at the last visit :)

So it might be a laid back session where I ask her questions :) or I could be about to reveal my most personal dream, detailing why I have been trying so hard to overcome my gender, social anxiety and advance as an artist. I have my sketchbook with me, 25 minutes till the train departs so I’m going to go do some sketching now :)

Actually, before I go, I did something I’ve always wanted to do when I first got on the train today. I sat down and started painting my nails lol always wanted to paint my nails in public :) The trains just started moving, we were sat on the platform for ages, wahoo, it’s choo choo time!

THE SESSION

Wow, what a spiritual session; we talked about: Spirituality and Patience, video games, animals, meditation … one of those sessions I feel we both got something out of it, she was smiling so much today it was amazing :)

It’s odd but once again she started talking about something I wanted to talk about naturally, without me having to bring it up. Like she started talking about what it’s like being a therapist, yet I never mentioned it but was going to ask her. How mad is that? It happens all the time at these sessions :)

Loved this session.

She said two really lovely things to me. One, that I look like I’ve always been this way, aka, I look naturally like me now :) and two, that I’ve been like a phoenix my whole life … always rising from adversity, always moving forward no matter what happens. That was such a nice thing to say.

I didn’t tell her about my vision, but I explained how I had an aha moment and how important that session we had a few months back was, it really did change everything and the more I think about it, the more powerful it becomes.

I recommended a book to her called feeling is the secret, it’s a lovely little book, only a few pages, but it’s such an inspiring read, I think everyone should read that :)

Plymouth Pride 2017 also got brought up, and how much I’ve changed in a year. She said how it’s been tough this past year but that I never gave up, we spoke about others and how some people seem like they don’t want to evolve and overcome their difficulties, almost as if they enjoy or need to feel bad. She said everyone’s journey is different, some people just need more time. Be patient. I explained how that’s sort of like Mum, who isn’t ready to change. My therapist explained how you need to become humble and admit you have a problem, be humble and admit your struggling, only than can you get to the bottom of it.

It was mad, because one of the last things she said was a random comment about how I’ll be teaching soon :) She doesn’t know it, but that sort of plays into my big dream – she knows and I haven’t even told her, I sometimes think she’s a gift from the universe, a real life angel.

Visit twenty three took place on the 26th of October 2017, and was the ‘big dreams‘ visit