The day I told my Sister I was Transgender, with Transgender Model & Artist Sophie Lawson

Future me from the year 2021 here *waves* The following diary entry is a transgender memory I first wrote back in 2004, on September the 1st, the day I told my Sister I was Transgender. I was quite emotional at the time, as she was only the second person I ever told about my female side, the first being My Mum. My Sister was in the Kitchen doing the laundry when I first told her, which is now such a vivid image in my mind, that it will forever be associated with this moment in my life :)

*end of future me*

What a day.

I rang me sister last night with the intention of telling her I was Transgender, but she was really tired, so I didn’t go round to see her like I had planned. Instead we arranged for this morning. So, after a sleepless night … I did. While I was round there, I went to tell her I was Transgender, but again, like with my Mum, I just couldn’t get the words out.

I kept saying, over and over again. Right, I’m not gay, but since about the age of 5 … that was as far as I could go. I kept repeating, I’m not gay, for about 10 minutes lol I kept asking her if she knew what I was going to say. She said “No.”

Me and my Sister as little kids, sadly, I'm not the one in the dress, by Transgender Artist Sophie Lawson
A photo from the past … 1982 Me and My Sister as children – sadly, I’m not the one in the dress :)

I then asked if there was anything I could do which would make her hate me and never speak to me again.

She said, “No.”

But I still couldn’t tell her.

In the end, probably more frustrated than I was, she asked, “Oh, shell I tell you what I think it is?”

“Yes,” I said.

She went, “Do you …” and then she couldn’t say it lol

So I started laughing, “See, it’s hard isn’t it?”

She said “Yeah,” but finally she went, “Do you wear girls clothes?”

I said, “Yeah.”

She said, “Well why would you think that would bother me?”

“I just don’t want to lose you,” I said, as tears rolled down my cheeks.

“Well it doesn’t matter,” she said, “It’s not like your a murderer or anything!”

After that we just talked and talked. I told her I’ve been like it since about 5, “Sod bottling that up,” she said. I never showed her any pictures, it didn’t seem right this time, but my Sister opened up a lot to me this afternoon too. Like saying how she says things in her head sometimes but when she comes to say it, she can’t.

I didn’t feel scared like I expected. Instead, I felt so much closer to my sister then I already was. We were even joking about dressing and wearing fake breasts. She said she knows what she’s having for tea tonight, chicken breasts, lol

– September 1st 2004, The day I told my Sister

Sophie Lawson and her Sister Lorna :)
A photo from the future … 2017, when my Sister came with me to my first ever Art Exhibition as Sophie :)


Satoru Fujinuma