Gender Identity Clinic Visits My Transitioning Diary

THE LAURELS GENDER IDENTITY CLINIC VISIT 22

[et_pb_section bb_built=”1″ fullwidth=”on” specialty=”off” background_color=”#ffffff” parallax_method=”off” custom_padding_last_edited=”on|desktop” _builder_version=”3.0.106″ next_background_color=”#000000″ custom_padding=”0px|0px|0px|0px” custom_padding_tablet=”50px|0|50px|0″ global_module=”236″][et_pb_fullwidth_menu admin_label=”Trans Fullwidth Menu” global_parent=”236″ menu_id=”686″ background_color=”#beb9e9″ background_layout=”dark” text_orientation=”center” submenu_direction=”downwards” fullwidth_menu=”off” active_link_color=”#ffffff” dropdown_menu_bg_color=”#beb9e9″ dropdown_menu_line_color=”#ffffff” dropdown_menu_text_color=”#ffffff” module_class=”my_trans_menu_class” _builder_version=”3.0.92″ mobile_menu_text_color=”#ffffff” mobile_menu_bg_color=”#beb9e9″ /][/et_pb_section][et_pb_section bb_built=”1″ admin_label=”section” transparent_background=”off” allow_player_pause=”off” inner_shadow=”off” parallax=”off” parallax_method=”off” custom_padding=”0px||0px|” padding_mobile=”on” make_fullwidth=”off” use_custom_width=”off” width_unit=”on” make_equal=”off” use_custom_gutter=”off” background_color=”#ffffff” custom_padding_tablet=”0px||0px|” prev_background_color=”#000000″ next_background_color=”#000000″][et_pb_row admin_label=”row” make_fullwidth=”on” use_custom_width=”off” width_unit=”on” use_custom_gutter=”on” padding_mobile=”on” allow_player_pause=”off” parallax=”off” parallax_method=”off” make_equal=”off” parallax_1=”off” parallax_method_1=”off” column_padding_mobile=”on” custom_padding=”0px|||” custom_margin=”0px|0px||” gutter_width=”1″ background_position=”top_left” background_repeat=”repeat” background_size=”initial” global_module=”11288″][et_pb_column type=”4_4″][et_pb_text admin_label=”Grey Bar Text” global_parent=”11288″ background_layout=”light” text_orientation=”left” background_color=”#ffffff” use_border_color=”off” border_color=”#ffffff” border_style=”solid” custom_padding=”1px||1px|” border_width=”4px” custom_padding_last_edited=”on|phone” custom_padding_tablet=”0px||1px|” background_position=”top_left” background_repeat=”repeat” background_size=”initial” /][et_pb_post_title admin_label=”Diary Entry Pink Post Title” global_parent=”11288″ title=”on” meta=”on” author=”on” date=”on” date_format=”l, jS F, Y” categories=”on” comments=”off” featured_image=”off” featured_placement=”above” parallax_effect=”on” parallax_method=”off” text_orientation=”center” text_color=”light” text_background=”off” text_bg_color=”rgba(255,255,255,0.9)” module_bg_color=”#beb9e9″ title_text_color=”#ffffff” title_all_caps=”off” use_border_color=”off” border_color=”#ffffff” border_style=”solid” custom_margin=”0px|||” custom_padding=”10px|10px|10px|10px” parallax=”on” background_color=”#beb9e9″ /][/et_pb_column][/et_pb_row][et_pb_row admin_label=”row” make_fullwidth=”off” use_custom_width=”off” width_unit=”on” use_custom_gutter=”on” padding_mobile=”on” allow_player_pause=”off” parallax=”off” parallax_method=”off” make_equal=”off” parallax_1=”off” parallax_method_1=”off” column_padding_mobile=”on” custom_padding=”0px|||” gutter_width=”1″ background_position=”top_left” background_repeat=”repeat” background_size=”initial”][et_pb_column type=”4_4″][et_pb_image src=”https://sophielawson.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/08/diary-0060-header.jpg” show_in_lightbox=”off” url_new_window=”off” use_overlay=”off” animation=”off” sticky=”off” align=”center” force_fullwidth=”off” always_center_on_mobile=”on” use_border_color=”off” border_color=”#ffffff” border_style=”solid” disabled=”off” disabled_on=”off|off|off” saved_tabs=”all” alt=”Transgender Diary Entry – Gender Identity Clinic Visit 22| The Spiritual Visit, by Transgender Artist Sophie Lawson” animation_style=”none” animation_duration=”1000ms” animation_intensity_slide=”50%” show_bottom_space=”on”]

 

[/et_pb_image][et_pb_text admin_label=”before Text” background_layout=”light” use_border_color=”off” module_class=”purpledropcap-class purpleLinks” custom_padding=”20px|||” background_position=”top_left” background_repeat=”repeat” background_size=”initial” _builder_version=”3.0.92″ text_font_size=”16px”] [dropcap]A[/dropcap]nd relax :) Made it, at the train station with 40 minutes to spare. Trying something different today, instead of handwriting this entry I’m typing it up on my kindle via the jotter app. Doing this as I’ve ended up with loads of handwritten entries and it’s become a bit overwhelming to type them all up, so I thought try this and see what it feels like.

Initially, not sure I like it, I have a little stylus which is cool, but it seems slow, and I like to doodle as I write .. anyways, today’s session will be the last hour session before the changes take place. I said in the diary entry for Visit Twenty how the clinic was changing the therapist sessions from an hour to 30 minutes, wonder what the shorter ones will feel like, hmm.

Today’s session could go in so many different directions. I may talk about an aha moment I had over the weekend where everything I want from the future, all my dreams, all the pieces of the puzzle fell into place, but it’s such a personal dream that I’m not sure I will share it with her. I’m interested to ask her what it’s like being a therapist, plus I need to know if she played the videogame Papo and Yo I recommended at the last visit :)

So it might be a laid back session where I ask her questions :) or I could be about to reveal my most personal dream, detailing why I have been trying so hard to overcome my gender, social anxiety and advance as an artist. I have my sketchbook with me, 25 minutes till the train departs so I’m going to go do some sketching now :)

Actually, before I go, I did something I’ve always wanted to do when I first got on the train today. I sat down and started painting my nails lol always wanted to paint my nails in public :) The trains just started moving, we were sat on the platform for ages, wahoo, it’s choo choo time!

[/et_pb_text][/et_pb_column][/et_pb_row][et_pb_row padding_mobile=”off” background_color=”#beb9e9″ parallax_method=”off” parallax_method_1=”off” padding_top_1=”10%” padding_right_1=”10%” padding_bottom_1=”10%” padding_left_1=”10%” column_padding_mobile=”on” _builder_version=”3.0.92″][et_pb_column type=”4_4″][et_pb_text admin_label=”pink quote text box” background_layout=”light” use_border_color=”off” saved_tabs=”all” header_text_color=”#ffffff” text_text_color=”#ffffff” header_font=”|||on|” header_font_size=”26px” text_font_size=”22″ text_line_height=”1em” _builder_version=”3.0.92″]

“I sometimes think she’s a gift from the universe, a real life angel.”

[/et_pb_text][/et_pb_column][/et_pb_row][et_pb_row background_position=”top_left” background_repeat=”repeat” background_size=”initial”][et_pb_column type=”4_4″][et_pb_text admin_label=”after Text” background_layout=”light” use_border_color=”off” module_class=”purpledropcap-class purpleLinks” custom_padding=”20px|||” background_position=”top_left” background_repeat=”repeat” background_size=”initial” _builder_version=”3.0.92″ text_font_size=”16px” header_font=”|||||on|||” header_text_color=”#beb9e9″]

AFTER THE SESSION

Wow, what a spiritual session; we talked about: videogames, animals, meditation … one of those sessions I feel we both got something out of it, she was smiling so much today it was amazing :)

It’s odd but once again she started talking about something I wanted to talk about naturally, without me having to bring it up. Like she started talking about what it’s like being a therapist, yet I never mentioned it but was going to ask her. How mad is that? It happens all the time at these sessions :)

Loved this session.

She said two really lovely things to me. One, that I look like I’ve always been this way, aka, I look naturally like me now :) and two, that I’ve been like a pheonix my whole life … always rising from adversity, always moving forward no matter what happens. That was such a nice thing to say.

I didn’t tell her about my vision, but I explained how I had an aha moment and how important that session we had a few months back was, it really did change everything and the more I think about it, the more powerful it becomes.

I recommended a book to her called feeling is the secret, it’s a lovely little book, only a few pages, but it’s such an inspiring read, I think everyone should read that :)

Plymouth Pride 2017 also got brought up, and how much I’ve changed in a year. She said how it’s been tough this past year but that I never gave up, we spoke about others and how some people seem like they don’t want to evolve and overcome their difficulties, almost as if they enjoy or need to feel bad. She said everyone’s journey is different, some people just need more time. Be patient. I explained how that’s sort of like Mum, who isn’t ready to change. My therapist explained how you need to become humble and admit you have a problem, be humble and admit your struggling, only than can you get to the bottom of it.

It was mad, because one of the last things she said was a random comment about how I’ll be teaching soon :) She doesn’t know it, but that sort of plays into my big dream – she knows and I haven’t even told her, I sometimes think she’s a gift from the universe, a real life angel.

Visit twenty three took place on the 26th of October 2017, and was the ‘Big Dreams’ visit

[/et_pb_text][/et_pb_column][/et_pb_row][/et_pb_section][et_pb_section bb_built=”1″ fullwidth=”off” specialty=”off” transparent_background=”off” background_color=”#ffffff” allow_player_pause=”off” inner_shadow=”off” parallax=”off” parallax_method=”off” padding_mobile=”on” make_fullwidth=”off” use_custom_width=”off” width_unit=”on” make_equal=”off” use_custom_gutter=”off” custom_padding=”0px|||” custom_padding_tablet=”50px|0|50px|0″ custom_padding_last_edited=”on|desktop” prev_background_color=”#000000″ next_background_color=”#000000″ global_module=”10419″][et_pb_row global_parent=”10419″ background_position=”top_left” background_repeat=”repeat” background_size=”initial”][et_pb_column type=”4_4″][et_pb_post_nav global_parent=”10419″ in_same_term=”on” hide_prev=”off” hide_next=”off” prev_text=”PREVIOUS DIARY ENTRY | %title” next_text=”NEXT DIARY ENTRY | %title” title_text_color=”#beb9e9″ use_border_color=”on” border_color=”#beb9e9″ border_style=”solid” custom_padding=”20px|20px|20px|20px” border_width=”3px” custom_css_prev_link=”border-radius: 5px;” module_class=”post-navigation-hover” custom_css_main_element=”opacity: 0.8;||filter: alpha(opacity=80);” custom_css_next_link=”border-radius: 5px;” show_prev=”on” show_next=”on” border_color_all=”#beb9e9″ border_width_all=”3px” border_style_all=”solid” /][/et_pb_column][/et_pb_row][/et_pb_section][et_pb_section bb_built=”1″ fullwidth=”off” specialty=”off” disabled_on=”off|off|off” disabled=”off” transparent_background=”off” background_color=”#ffffff” allow_player_pause=”off” inner_shadow=”off” parallax=”off” parallax_method=”off” custom_padding=”0px|||” padding_mobile=”on” make_fullwidth=”off” use_custom_width=”off” width_unit=”on” make_equal=”off” use_custom_gutter=”off” custom_padding_tablet=”0px|||” prev_background_color=”#000000″ next_background_color=”#beb9e9″][et_pb_row make_fullwidth=”off” use_custom_width=”off” width_unit=”on” use_custom_gutter=”off” custom_padding_tablet=”0px|||” custom_padding_last_edited=”on|desktop” padding_mobile=”on” disabled=”off” disabled_on=”off|off|off” allow_player_pause=”off” parallax=”off” parallax_method=”off” make_equal=”off” parallax_1=”off” parallax_method_1=”off” column_padding_mobile=”on” background_position=”top_left” background_repeat=”repeat” background_size=”initial”][et_pb_column type=”4_4″][et_pb_text background_layout=”light” text_orientation=”center” text_text_color=”#ffffff” use_border_color=”off” border_color=”#ffffff” border_style=”solid” disabled_on=”off|off|off” disabled=”off” text_font=”|on||on|” header_text_color=”#ffffff” text_font_size=”22″ background_color=”#beb9e9″ custom_margin=”||0px|” custom_padding=”25px||25px|” header_font=”|||on|” header_font_size=”26px” saved_tabs=”all” global_module=”13994″ background_position=”top_left” background_repeat=”repeat” background_size=”initial” module_alignment=”center” border_color_all=”#beb9e9″ border_style_all=”solid” border_width_all=”2px” border_radii=”on||||”]

COMMENTS

[/et_pb_text][et_pb_comments show_avatar=”on” show_reply=”on” show_count=”off” background_layout=”light” form_background_color=”#ffffff” meta_text_color=”#beb9e9″ body_text_color=”#666666″ form_field_text_color=”#666666″ use_border_color=”on” border_color=”#beb9e9″ border_style=”solid” custom_button=”on” button_text_color=”#beb9e9″ button_bg_color=”#ffffff” button_border_color=”#beb9e9″ button_letter_spacing=”0″ button_use_icon=”default” button_icon_placement=”right” button_on_hover=”on” button_text_color_hover=”#ffffff” button_bg_color_hover=”#beb9e9″ button_border_color_hover=”#ffffff” button_letter_spacing_hover=”0″ border_width=”2px” disabled_on=”off|off|off” disabled=”off” saved_tabs=”all” global_module=”13993″]

 

[/et_pb_comments][/et_pb_column][/et_pb_row][et_pb_row make_fullwidth=”off” use_custom_width=”off” width_unit=”on” use_custom_gutter=”off” padding_mobile=”on” allow_player_pause=”off” parallax=”off” parallax_method=”off” make_equal=”off” parallax_1=”off” parallax_method_1=”off” parallax_2=”off” parallax_method_2=”off” column_padding_mobile=”on” disabled_on=”off|off|off” disabled=”off” custom_padding=”0px||0px|” custom_margin=”||0px|” background_position=”top_left” background_repeat=”repeat” background_size=”initial”][et_pb_column type=”1_2″][et_pb_text background_layout=”light” text_orientation=”center” text_text_color=”#ffffff” use_border_color=”off” border_color=”#ffffff” border_style=”solid” disabled_on=”off|off|off” disabled=”off” text_font=”|on||on|” header_text_color=”#ffffff” text_font_size=”22″ background_color=”#beb9e9″ custom_margin=”||0px|” custom_padding=”50px||0px|” header_font=”|||on|” header_font_size=”26px” saved_tabs=”all” background_position=”top_left” background_repeat=”repeat” background_size=”initial” module_alignment=”center”]

RELATED DIARY ENTRIES

[/et_pb_text][et_pb_post_slider include_categories=”764″ orderby=”rand” show_arrows=”on” show_pagination=”off” show_more_button=”on” more_text=”READ” content_source=”off” use_manual_excerpt=”on” excerpt_length=”100″ show_meta=”off” background_layout=”dark” show_image=”on” image_placement=”top” parallax=”off” parallax_method=”off” use_bg_overlay=”off” use_text_overlay=”off” remove_inner_shadow=”on” background_position=”default” background_size=”default” auto=”on” auto_ignore_hover=”off” hide_content_on_mobile=”off” hide_cta_on_mobile=”off” show_image_video_mobile=”off” meta_letter_spacing=”0″ custom_button=”off” button_letter_spacing=”0″ button_use_icon=”default” button_icon_placement=”right” button_on_hover=”on” button_letter_spacing_hover=”0″ bg_overlay_color=”rgba(190,185,233,0.8)” background_color=”#beb9e9″ auto_speed=”5000″ saved_tabs=”all” custom_padding=”|||” custom_padding_tablet=”|||” custom_padding_phone=”|||” show_inner_shadow=”off” show_content_on_mobile=”on” show_cta_on_mobile=”on” box_shadow_horizontal=”0px” box_shadow_vertical=”0px” box_shadow_blur=”10px” box_shadow_spread=”0px” box_shadow_position=”inner” box_shadow_color=”rgba(0,0,0,0.1)” box_shadow_style=”none”]

 

[/et_pb_post_slider][/et_pb_column][et_pb_column type=”1_2″][et_pb_signup admin_label=”purple Email Optin” global_module=”11460″ provider=”mailchimp” mailchimp_list=”7cd28b5ae9″ aweber_list=”none” title=”FOLLOW MY JOURNEY” button_text=”SIGN UP” use_background_color=”on” background_color=”#beb9e9″ background_layout=”dark” text_orientation=”center” use_focus_border_color=”off” use_border_color=”off” border_color=”#ffffff” border_style=”solid” custom_button=”off” button_letter_spacing=”0″ button_use_icon=”default” button_icon_placement=”right” button_on_hover=”on” button_letter_spacing_hover=”0″ module_class=”whiteLinks” saved_tabs=”all” background_position=”top_left” background_repeat=”repeat” background_size=”initial” module_alignment=”center”]

If you would like to keep up to date with my art / life journey, one of the best ways is via my newsletter. The newsletter goes out on the 14th of each month, with the monthly postcard draw taking place on the 1st. I have been sending out little emails since February, so it is the best place to find me at the moment :)

You can find out more about my newsletter here

[/et_pb_signup][et_pb_text admin_label=”purple Find me online Text” global_module=”12814″ background_layout=”light” text_orientation=”center” text_text_color=”#ffffff” use_border_color=”off” border_color=”#ffffff” border_style=”solid” disabled_on=”off|off|off” disabled=”off” text_font=”|on||on|” header_text_color=”#ffffff” text_font_size=”22″ background_color=”#beb9e9″ custom_padding=”25px||25px|” header_font=”|||on|” header_font_size=”26px” saved_tabs=”all”]

FIND ME ONLINE

[/et_pb_text][et_pb_text admin_label=”PURPLE SOCIAL MEDIA ICONS ART BASED Text” global_module=”10417″ saved_tabs=”all” background_layout=”light” text_orientation=”center” use_border_color=”off” border_color=”#ffffff” border_style=”solid” custom_padding=”||20px|”]

          

[/et_pb_text][/et_pb_column][/et_pb_row][/et_pb_section][et_pb_section bb_built=”1″ fullwidth=”off” specialty=”off” transparent_background=”off” background_color=”#beb9e9″ allow_player_pause=”off” inner_shadow=”off” parallax=”off” parallax_method=”off” padding_mobile=”off” make_fullwidth=”off” use_custom_width=”off” width_unit=”on” make_equal=”off” use_custom_gutter=”off” custom_padding_tablet=”50px|0|50px|0″ custom_padding_last_edited=”on|desktop” prev_background_color=”#ffffff” next_background_color=”#a8a8a8″ global_module=”12198″][et_pb_row global_parent=”12198″ background_position=”top_left” background_repeat=”repeat” background_size=”initial”][et_pb_column type=”1_3″][et_pb_button global_parent=”12198″ saved_tabs=”all” button_url=”https://sophielawson.com/transitioning/” url_new_window=”off” button_text=”TRANSITIONING HOME” button_alignment=”center” background_layout=”dark” custom_button=”on” button_text_size=”14″ button_text_color=”rgba(255,255,255,0.8)” button_bg_color=”#beb9e9″ button_border_width=”3″ button_border_color=”rgba(255,255,255,0.8)” button_border_radius=”5″ button_letter_spacing=”0″ button_use_icon=”off” button_icon_placement=”right” button_on_hover=”on” button_text_color_hover=”#ffffff” button_bg_color_hover=”#beb9e9″ button_border_color_hover=”#ffffff” button_border_radius_hover=”5″ button_letter_spacing_hover=”0″ module_class=”post-navigation-hover” custom_css_main_element=”padding: 19px 50px !important;” /][/et_pb_column][et_pb_column type=”1_3″][et_pb_button global_parent=”12198″ saved_tabs=”all” button_url=”https://sophielawson.com/transitioning/diary/” url_new_window=”off” button_text=”MY TRANSGENDER DIARY” button_alignment=”center” background_layout=”dark” custom_button=”on” button_text_size=”14″ button_text_color=”rgba(255,255,255,0.8)” button_bg_color=”#beb9e9″ button_border_width=”3″ button_border_color=”rgba(255,255,255,0.8)” button_border_radius=”5″ button_letter_spacing=”0″ button_use_icon=”off” button_icon_placement=”right” button_on_hover=”on” button_text_color_hover=”#ffffff” button_bg_color_hover=”#beb9e9″ button_border_color_hover=”#ffffff” button_border_radius_hover=”5″ button_letter_spacing_hover=”0″ module_class=”post-navigation-hover” custom_css_main_element=”padding: 19px 50px !important;” /][/et_pb_column][et_pb_column type=”1_3″][et_pb_button global_parent=”12198″ saved_tabs=”all” button_url=”https://sophielawson.com/transitioning/my-photos/” url_new_window=”off” button_text=”MY PHOTOS” button_alignment=”center” background_layout=”dark” custom_button=”on” button_text_size=”14″ button_text_color=”rgba(255,255,255,0.8)” button_bg_color=”#beb9e9″ button_border_width=”3″ button_border_color=”rgba(255,255,255,0.8)” button_border_radius=”5″ button_letter_spacing=”0″ button_use_icon=”off” button_icon_placement=”right” button_on_hover=”on” button_text_color_hover=”#ffffff” button_bg_color_hover=”#beb9e9″ button_border_color_hover=”#ffffff” button_border_radius_hover=”5″ button_letter_spacing_hover=”0″ module_class=”post-navigation-hover” custom_css_main_element=”padding: 19px 50px !important;” /][/et_pb_column][/et_pb_row][/et_pb_section][et_pb_section bb_built=”1″ fullwidth=”off” specialty=”off” background_color=”#a8a8a8″ parallax_method=”off” custom_padding_tablet=”50px|0|50px|0″ custom_padding_last_edited=”on|desktop” _builder_version=”3.0.92″ prev_background_color=”#beb9e9″ global_module=”9888″][et_pb_row global_parent=”9888″ background_position=”top_left” background_repeat=”repeat” background_size=”initial”][et_pb_column type=”4_4″][et_pb_text global_parent=”9888″ background_layout=”dark” text_orientation=”left” use_border_color=”off” border_color=”#ffffff” border_style=”solid” text_line_height=”1em” background_position=”top_left” background_repeat=”repeat” background_size=”initial”]

“Nature chooses who will be transgender; individuals don’t choose this.”

Mercedes Ruehl

[/et_pb_text][/et_pb_column][/et_pb_row][/et_pb_section]